Monthly Archives: May 2009

a conundrum

Amazon doesn’t know me at all. Or, possibly they know me inside and out and are mocking my mopey teenage angst. Just as I am lamenting my lot in life: to grow old alone, all the while knowing that the … Continue reading

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murderess

It’s quite likely I’m carefully making plans for mass murder. I see a future of death and destruction and carnage, all at my hands. I’ve killed before. There’s no reason to think I won’t do so again. I don’t mean … Continue reading

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clutter

I have a love/hate relationship with antique stores. And by that, I mostly mean that I hate them. Every so often, in some delusional fit of desparation, I find myself in one, surrounded by teetering mannequins ¬† that are staring … Continue reading

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happiness in small things

First, I need to point out that I am not great at gardening. Because I’m egotistical and vain, I’m pretty sure this isn’t because I couldn’t be good at gardening, but because I don’t have the patience and follow up … Continue reading

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at rest

At the end of 2007, I wrote that the theme of that year had been bittersweet and I thought the theme of 2008 might be balance. Of course, it was not, unless you consider the utter lack of it to … Continue reading

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anchors

I keep trying things that don’t work. I guess that’s how life is, really. Either things work or they don’t. And there’s really no way to know. Except sometimes there is, of course. How any of us can ever judge … Continue reading

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white space

You read between the lines and ¬†fill in the white space. But between the words that are here is what I keep in my heart. Unchangeable, like gravity. Unsaid because it goes without saying. Like the sky is always watching … Continue reading

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accepting

She said I should follow my heart, and that made me stop and think because mostly no one has told me that. And mostly I always figured that what I should do is not follow my heart, but instead to … Continue reading

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unfinished

My mind is full of unfinished things. We all like things wrapped up neatly, but some things just don’t have closure. Looking over this journal, for instance, I see I have 24 unfinished drafts. The oldest is from November 2004, … Continue reading

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spill all the milk you want

I just remembered what’s worse than feeling like I’m not strong enough to make it on my own. Crying all the time. If I’m taking Zoloft only I know that I can’t cope. When everything makes me cry, everyone knows. … Continue reading

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ways mcdonald’s in berlin is different than in the us

They put cucumbers on their burgers instead of pickles. You can have one packet of ketchup or one packet of mayo for your fries. You can have one of each for an extra charge. Happy meals have chocolate milk in … Continue reading

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to be enough

I want to think that I don’t need a chemical substance to maintain my sanity. I want to believe that I am enough, on my own. That’s I’m strong enough, and independent enough, and smart enough, and emotionally capable enough … Continue reading

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