an ode to indoors

I paid extra for the room with the patio overlooking the mountains. It has two comfy chairs and ottomans, a chaise lounge, a view of a beautiful sunny sky.

I’m writing this from inside as I look out through the glass door. The patio has been taken over. By a beetle. Go ahead and scoff. The beetle is literally as big as my hand and I have an English degree so I know how to properly use the word “literally”. It looks like one of those huge plastic toys little boys like to scare their sisters with. Also, it has wings. It sits on the wall (defying gravity: one of many super powers) and looks at me sideways. Just waiting for me.

I tried throwing things (the pen and pad of paper beside the bed) at it, but it just kept staring. Didn’t even flinch. I thought about calling the front desk and asking if they could remove the beetle so I could enjoy the full amenities of my room, but I figured they’d think I was a crazy person. They’ll think that anyway when they find the stationery supplies scattered outside, but I’ll be long gone by then.

Sitting outside is overhyped anyway.

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