pretty on the inside

So, the latest round of “let’s see just how many tests Alice’s insurance will agree to pay for!” is an endoscopy. I’m truly excited. The doctor had me sign one of those forms in which I agree not to sue if I die. He also told me not to take any aspirin, ibuprofen, excedrin, and probably water although I kind of zoned out for a while, because those things thin your blood and well, there could be internal bleeding, and the less bleeding the better, really. He also mentioned that he might accidentally tear a hole in some part of my insides, and then I’d need surgery for sure, although he really doubts he’ll do that. I might stop breathing or lose blood pressure, but they’ll have one of those fantastic gas masks and heart beating equipment on the ready, just for me. And I could get pneumonia after, only hopefully not, because I’ve had that already, and once was good, thanks.

I was reading up on the procedure (even though I called P. after the appointment and he said “don’t look it up on the Internet. No. Don’t. Do. It.”) and found that the anesthesia causes short-term amnesia. I’m very suspicious of this. What exactly are these doctors hiding that they have to wipe our memories clean? I also read that if you can control your own gag reflexes, you might be able to get by without the anesthetic. Sometimes, you learn things on the Internet that you didn’t really want to know. Just thinking about that sort of makes me gag, so I guess I’m not a candidate for an anesthetic-free procedure.

The doctor is planning to take some biopsies (in addition to taking pictures of how pretty I am inside). I hope he doesn’t take away anything I need.

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