toast

This morning, I accidentally caught glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. Until now, I thought that “she gasped” was a phrase made up for romance novels and mystery dinner theatre, but were I narrating a story about myself in the third person, I would have had to use those two words to describe what happened next.

Half of one eye was (is) completely red. Blood red. Blood is bleeding all over in my eye. Obviously I thought I had a brain aneurysm or similar, so of course I immediately sought guidance from the internet. The internet told me this was totally normal. Happens on the time. For no reason.

No.

First, it doesn’t happen all the time or people would be walking around all the time with bleedy eyes. And nothing happens “for no reason”. Except maybe rainbows.

Once the internet assured me that I wasn’t bleeding from my brain (or was I?!), I realized that I’d need a new fantasy to get me through my flight later day. ┬áMy fantasy is this: I’ll sit next to an impossibly sexy man of international intrigue. We hit it off on the flight and then once we land, we run off to his luxury hotel suite for a night of passion. It hasn’t happened yet, but since I’ve flown so much at this point, I figure it’s just a matter of time. The odds are bound to be in my favor by now.

It would be just my luck if he showed up on today’s flight. “Weird sunglasses girl on a plane” may be slightly better than “bleedy eye girl”, but neither are getting that one night stand.

But maybe I shouldn’t fly at all. If there’s some weird pressure built up in my head, would a flight make it worse, like how you can burst your ear drums if you fly with an ear ache? (Or something like that, I’m not exactly clear on how you’re supposed to know when flying will cause your ear drums to burst, except that I know you’re not supposed to fly after scuba. Or before scuba maybe? Something about water and flying.)

Now one side of my head (the same side as the bleedy eye) hurts all the way down to my jaw. My teeth even hurt on that side. Coincidence? Psychosomatic? Or maybe the internet is wrong and these things don’t happen for no reason after all.

I can’t really stay at this hotel any longer though. I would surely end up killing someone and although having a bleedy eye in jail might make me seem tough, I don’t imagine I would get a high standard of medical care. I watch Orange is the New Black. I know about these things.

This morning, despite being still without a room service menu, I ordered breakfast. Eggs and toast. Which came without toast. How can anyone eat eggs without toast? So I called back down and they did eventually bring the toast, which I then ate with my lukewarm eggs.

I think my bleedy eye scared the room service guy.

This really does not bode well for my meeting with that sexy airline passenger of international intrigue.

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