I don’t think I can follow through with the things I’d like to resolve for 2008. I’d like to resolve to not be so fucking influenced by those around me and to take some damn control. Although how that can coexist with the whole, throw caution to the wind, who the hell cares if you get hurt, it’s worth it for the joy of life, I have no idea. I don’t know and I don’t know how to know and I will never get it right. Maybe it’s not something we can ever get right.
But fuck. Why can’t life be easy or make sense just a little bit for just a little while. Which is overly dramatic and ridiculous, I know. And I should just put on some heavy black eyeliner and listen to Depeche Mode or whatever the young kids are listening to these days and stop even pretending to be a rational adult.
Maybe I just let momentum get the better of me and I hope for too much. But I don’t want to have to curb my hope to be happy. Sometimes I’m strong and independent and I think, I can do this on my own. But then other days, I just feel it all crashing around me and I don’t want to do it on my own, don’t want to have to do it on my own, want something other than just my own.
Life. It’s fucking hard.