waiting for the next thing

Today I was catching up with someone I hadn’t talked to in a while. And she asked me how various things in my life were going. And after I had caught her up, she said, “you must be very happy! Everything is going so well!” And I said, yeah, I should be happier, huh. And she said I just need to figure out what makes me happy. Which is exactly what I’ve been thinking! What is that, dammit.

We talked about how you look towards the next big thing in your life. If you’re looking for a job, you think about how great it will be when you get it. And then when you get the job, you immediately get mired down into the day-to-day of it all, and you start thinking about how great it will be take take vacation. Or whatever.

I do that all the time. I rarely just stop and think about enjoying now. I’m always waiting for the next thing.

I was talking to someone else last week who just got a promotion. And he said that he’s been actively working at getting it for two years now. And it hasn’t been easy. And then once he got it, he was happy about it for maybe a day and then everything went right back to exactly how it was before.

Enjoying now takes patience, which I just really don’t have. Although I don’t know what I think all this rushing around is going to do for me. I think maybe I’m not as happy as I could be because I’m always so impatient, so anxious about the next thing, so stressed about what I’m going to be doing. I don’t focus on what I’m actually doing now. And I end up feeling pulled at both ends. But it’s no one’s fault my own.

Can I slow down and stop worrying so much about what comes next? Can I let go a little and accept that life is filled with unknowns and it’s OK not to know everything little thing? Can I stop eating so many potatoes? OK, that last one might be going just a little overboard. There’s no need to go all crazy.

This entry was posted in Life. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.