I’ve been waking up early lately – 5 or 5:30. Sometimes I go back to sleep for an hour, but usually I get up. Early morning is the most amazing time. Everything is quiet and peaceful. The day can still be anything.
I used to start the day with coffee and Twitter but now with the anxiety, I instead have been opting for green tea and a walk outside. I make sure the slugs aren’t eating my garden for breakfast. I say good morning to the bees. I feed the sourdough starter. It’s a better way to start the day and in those moments, I’m convinced that humanity was better off two hundred years ago. Except for the indoor plumbing and warm and cozy HVAC-heated homes and the Great British Bakeoff.
Here’s another thing I do, in case you think I fill the morning with only healthy behaviors. I stare at my pantry, which I’ve stocked with every possible dry and canned good one might ever need or want: 17 types of flour, 8 types of dried beans (also 8 types of canned beans), freeze-dried vegetables, pasta, shelf-stable nut milks and tofu, rice, lentils, quinoa.
I stare at it and take mental inventory even though I also did this yesterday and we haven’t eaten much of it or probably any of it since then. I find it soothing.
I see news headlines about how Americans can’t pay their mortgages and I panic even though I can pay my mortgage.
It’s all exhausting. We’re all exhausted. I haven’t found a soothing evening ritual because I’m too tired by the end of the day. I could give myself a facial and write in my journal while drinking chamomile tea. But where would I get the energy?
The morning though – the morning is bright and open with all the possibility in the world.