midwestern thunderstorms in croatia

A storm came through today. Heavy rain and cracks of lightning splitting the sky and booming thunder. We could have been in the midwest — Arkansas or Missouri or Oklahoma. The power flickered and then was out. When the rain let up a little, I ventured out of my apartment. Maybe the power was just out in my building. And anyway, it was lunchtime. But no, the main building of the hotel was dark too. And as I walked down the steps and onto the boardwalk, I realized the entire island had lost power. People were gathered in the cafes — inside in the dark, drinking bottled sodas.

The power’s back now and the sun is breaking through the clouds just in time for it to set. A faint breeze is keeping the humidity at bay out here on the terrace.

A few minutes ago, the air was filled with bagpipes. A wedding party was descending the stairs of the huge old stone church. The entire procession, guests and all, made it to the pier and cheers went up as the bagpipes continued. And then everyone loaded onto a ship and sailed away.

Love without complications that you can just reach out and grab and keep forever. I know it’s easy to watch the joy of a wedding day from afar and not see the details and the complications. It all looks easy and happy from here. And it isn’t, but the idea of it still makes me melancholy. Even though I know it isn’t real, like the airbrushed models in magazines don’t really exist — their legs and arms and faces have been crafted, not captured.

I might go to Italy after this. I think I need more time to try and declutter my thoughts, find my center again. Some things don’t change. I hold them close to my heart and protect them. But what do I do with the rest of me?

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