my faith is like shifting sand, changed by every wave

I am, of course, a liar. But you knew that already. You’ve read about how I don’t need anything except my independence and how the only true validation comes from within. And yet you’ve also read about how I love the show Scrubs entirely because the theme song reminds me that it’s OK that I can’t do everything on my own.

The sad truth is that I completely mock the horrifying lyrics in that teenage pop song “According to You”, which include the following:

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you.
But according to him
I’m beautiful,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
everything he ever wanted.

Yes, horrifying. I want to take her aside and tell her that she’s beautiful and funny and incredible whether a guy is telling her that she is or not. And that relying on that as a gauge is a sure way to heartbreak and pain and dependence and honestly, a neediness that’s just not attractive to anyone. It’s self-fulfilling. Being insecure about not being pretty or smart or funny or whatever enough is the best way not to appear to be enough of any of those things.

And yet, there are days when I can understand those lyrics completely. When I don’t feel beautiful or funny or anything anyone has ever wanted and no amount of inner confidence and strength can convince me otherwise. When, in fact, I do want outside validation. When being enough on my own just makes me tired.

Everyone wants to hear something nice every once in a while.

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