peas and duck

My cat is really mad at me right now. You see, he used to look like this:

And now, he looks like this:

The other cat has been mocking him all morning and sniffing at him like he smells bad. He just keeps glaring at me menacingly. It’s not good when cats are being menacing. There’s no telling what they might do. A dog might glare at you, but 30 seconds later, he will have completely forgotten what all the glaring was even about. “Why am I glaring?” the dog would ask himself. “I’m going to go smell some trash! Maybe I can even lick it!” Cats are different. Cats remember forever. Ten years from now, I might be peacefully napping and hear a faint noise. And when I slowly open my eyes, I’ll see the cat staring at me. “This is for that time you made me look like a rat.” And it’ll be all over for me.

So, my cat’s really mad at me, but he’s also confused. He doesn’t understand where half of him went. Things don’t feel so fluffy anymore. He just doesn’t know what to do. So he alternates his evil glances with looks of helplessness. He circles around on the bed and starts to lie down, but something feels different, so he pops back up and looks around, trying to figure it out. He follows me and meows in this pathetic voice, but when I try to pick him up, he remembers that it’s all my fault and he leaps out of my arms and goes back to the glaring. And the plotting.

Meanwhile, the other cat just laughs.

He may not be laughing soon though, because his gift from the vet was yummy new hypo-allergenic food: peas and duck. Seriously, peas and duck.

You know, when we pack up our pets to bring them to the vet, we always try to soothe them with words of comfort: “it’s just the vet. It’ll be fine. You’ll get to visit some nice people and we’ll be back before you know it. You’ll love it!”

We lie.

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