the next moment

I was reading something the other day that said we mostly have to learn the important lessons in life more than once. And that’s depressing, sure. Because learning the hard things are so, well, hard, and once you get through them you think, fuck, that was hard, but at least I’ve learned something and I’ll never have to do that again. Only then you do.

But I suppose the thought is also hopeful. At least when you find yourself in the same damn place you were before, and you beat yourself up for somehow ending up here after all you’ve learned, you can take a deep breath and relax and know that it happens to all of us. That’s it’s just how life is and maybe this time will be the time that the learning sticks.

Here’s one thing that I keep learning (over and over again). There is no “what do I want to be when I grow up”. There’s only “what do I want to do next?” You don’t have to know the end; you just have to know the next step so you know the direction to point your foot.

I’m impatient and I like control. And despite my unorganized ways, I like having a plan, and knowing the goal, and working towards a purpose. And I have to keep learning to let go.

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