we could find new ways to fall apart

Today, I posed this to the therapist: I keep ending up in the same place over and over. One friend tells me I must shut down my company and do something else because I keep trying to make changes and none of them seem to have made a difference in helping me regain my sanity. But if I look back, I had these same edge of sanity moments before I had this company, so can it really be circumstance? I told her about how irritated I got yesterday and thought perhaps the answer really was to ditch it all and start over.

She said what she always says about how change is a process and I may not know the end, I only know what’s next. But she also said that it sounded like I was trying to avoid getting irritated when perhaps it was perfectly reasonable that I was irritated. And then we dove into the analytical waters of learned behavior and past coping skills needed for survival (perhaps no longer needed) around keeping emotions hidden and so on with the childhood angst.

Anyway. I said I would work on having feelings, but she told me that my homework was that I don’t have homework. So, there’s a conundrum.

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