what a wonderful world this would be

Pandora has been playing Ingrid Michaelson, Anna Nalick, Pink, and now, out the blue, Hootie and the Blowfish. Suddenly, it’s 1994, and I’m sitting in the dark, narrow bar in Balboa where we listened to that album on repeat all winter.

Sometimes I feel exactly like that person. Other times I can barely remember her; I don’t know if she ever existed.

I think about how naive I was. How wrong I was about so many things. And that scares me because I must be as wrong about as many things now. I just haven’t learned what they are yet.

This morning, a friend who’s lost a bunch of weight lately told me that she hasn’t bought new clothes (even though her old clothes don’t fit anymore) because what if she gains the weight again? I told her she had to live now, based on how the world is today. Not based on what might happen or what she worries will happen or how things used to be.

Life’s so hard to live like that. But imagine how freeing it would be.

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