I love research but resist planning. Research is learning. Planning is adding constraints.
Crazy, right? Particularly since in reality, planning often adds freedom. I would likely have lots more time for exploring if I got off a plane and went directly to my hotel rather than wandering aimlessly looking for one. And maybe I wouldn’t feel so entirely totally overwhelmed by all the work I have to do if I had a plan to finish it all other than “just plow through until it’s done”.
I am learning. I am trying to learn not to think of planning and structure as a claustrophobic prison. Where does that come from anyway?
I’m also realizing that I know absolutely nothing about the world. I knew that already. But I am learning just how much I haven’t learned.
It’s hard for me not to feel capable and knowledgeable with purposeful direction. Why it is I want have purpose without planning and direction without structure, I have no idea.